It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
