I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
