BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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