Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
