Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
