there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
