david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
