Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
