Your tits are I can't wait for
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
