I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Houston, we have a blender
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
