I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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