I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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