i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
