he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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