i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
