Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
