We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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