dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
