Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
