I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
