You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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