Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
false alarm, still single
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