How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
