I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
