That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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