I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
