Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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