I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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