Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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