i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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