your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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