I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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