You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
