so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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