i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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