I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize