I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
