Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant