Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.