I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?