You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
