Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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