Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
