went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
