While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
