The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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