he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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