I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
