What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
