I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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