Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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