Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
