I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
even my farts smell like vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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