we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
