i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
barbara walters just said penis...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
