I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
