Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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