so that wasnt chicken after all
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
