I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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