Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
