can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
