So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
